Wives Tales
Photo Credit: National Library of Medicine
“But because we live in an age of science, we have a preoccupation with corroborating our myths.” ~ Michael Shermer
Wives tales are a type of myth. Some are easy to dismiss they are so preposterous, like the position of your belly determining the sex of your baby. Others are trickier to discern, because they seem plausible, like sitting too close to the television ruining your eyes. If you’ve ever stayed up late on a Netflix binge, you’ve felt the burn and wondered. Some wives tales do have elements of science behind them, but regardless, aren’t true. In today’s world of google, there’s no need to heed myths created by our ancestors to explain scientific phenomena. Today’s blog is a light-hearted look at what my internet search into wives tales uncovered.
Chewing gum stays in your stomach for seven years. No it doesn’t. It’s true gum can’t be digested, but it passes out the other end intact eventually and it doesn’t take seven years. I admit to avoiding swallowing gum based on this wives tale, but I still chewed gum until dry mouth issues made gum break up into stringy bits and get caught in my teeth. Really, it is probably not a good idea to swallow gum whole, but chewing gum is great way to manage ear blockage when descending on a plane and a nice choice to freshen your breath on the run.
Human urine heals jellyfish stings. No it doesn’t. Whoever thought up that one was a real trickster who enjoyed watching gullible humans peeing on other gullible humans. Being a gullible human myself, I thought the wives tale possibly held merit, but none-the-less, when my son offered to pee on my leg after a jellyfish stung me in Thailand, I kindly declined. The best treatment is to remove the stinger with tweezers (because everyone brings tweezers to the beach, right?) and then soak it in hot water for twenty minutes. Sounds like you have to head home immediately rather than continue to sunbathe and frolic in the waves as I did.
Coffee stunts your growth. No it doesn’t. It doesn’t affect how tall you grow, and regardless, it isn’t a beverage consumed by children, offered children, or marketed towards children. It is considered an adult beverage, and by the time you are an adult, you are no longer growing. At least not in height. Some adults use coffee to stunt the growth of their girth, it being a known diuretic. I’m not sure whether it is effective, but I know I enjoy my two cups of coffee every morning and it doesn’t seem to have any effect on my waistline. Don’t base your coffee drinking decision on my experience, though, because I tend to be an anomaly in almost all statistical data.
Sitting to close to the television ruins your eyes. Considering the amount of screen time most humans engage in these days, it’s good to find out this wives tale is also not true. Sitting too close to the TV can cause temporary eyestrain, but it is easily remedied by a short rest. I’m guessing it probably isn’t a good idea to sit close to the TV, or stare at your phone or computer screen for hours on end, even if it doesn’t ruin your eyes.
Shaving makes hair grow back thicker. I used to worry about this one, especially as a young, hormonal and body-conscious teenager. The alternative, of not shaving, didn’t feel like a good option for me, even if it prevented my thin, blondish leg hair from thickening. I imagined myself turning into some kind of hairy chimpanzee-woman with leg hair thick enough to comb and style. As it turns out, at least according to the Mayo clinic, shaving has no impact on the thickness of your hair. Anecdotally, I have consistently shaved my legs all my life, and at age sixty, the hair is actually thinner. I’ve met some women who claim to have no hair growth on their legs or underarms after the age of seventy. Another irony of our design—smooth legs when no one cares to look at them anymore.
Hair of the dog cures a hangover. Go ahead and kick back a few Bloody Mary’s or Mimosas the morning after a big night of boozing, but it won’t cure the hangover, only delay it. This wives tale seems to have originated around the 1500s, so I doubt there was ever any solid medical science to back up the claim. It does likely make enduring the unpleasant effects of a hangover more tolerable to get inebriated all over again, but then you’re back where you started. At some point you just have to grin and bear the consequences of your choices. Maybe instead of drinking more the next day, one might consider consuming less the night before.
Eating carrots will give you better eyesight. I’ve consumed many a carrot in my day. My mother was ahead of her time, believing in the general overall health benefits of a diet rich in vegetables and fruits. But everyone in my family wears glasses and started wearing them at a young age. (Also, remember the above mentioned caveat, of me, and possibly my entire family, being anomalies). While carrots do contain beta carotene, a vitamin known to maintain vision, eating more won’t fix poor eyesight. This myth dates back to WWII, when British Air Force pilots spread the rumour to fool the allied forces. Those rascals.
Getting a chill will bring on a cold. This is one of those wives tales that isn’t exactly true, but it isn’t entirely false either. Colds are caused by exposure to a virus or bacteria. But being cold can have adverse effects on your immune system and increase your susceptibility. I’ve intuitively suspected this was the case, as I’ve noticed a strong correlation between having a chill and catching a cold, and it feels kind of good to know my intuition can be trusted, at least sometimes (when it isn’t overridden by my gullible nature).
The five second rule. I don’t remember who first duped me into believing this nonsense, but I fell for it hook, line and sinker. Likely a remnant of a frugal mentality that runs in my family, dating back to the Depression. As it turns out, scientists have proven that bacteria transfers to food dropped on the floor immediately. It’s likely a better idea to throw that delectable morsel of your dinner that you dropped on the floor in the garbage than to treat your stomach like one. Bacteria belly just isn’t worth one more bite of pie. (This is likely the best wisdom in this blog)
Well, dear reader, I hope this week’s unusual foray into things light and inconsequential like the origins and validity of old wives tales has given you a laugh or a smile. After all, life is too precious and short to be serious all the time. Until next week, stay well—and don’t eat food you’ve dropped on the floor!
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