No One Forgotten
Photo Credit: iii
“Family means no one gets left behind or forgotten.” ~ David Ogden Stiers
Every family I have ever encountered, no matter how seemingly dysfunctional or harmonious, faces times of conflict and disagreement. Every family I have ever encountered has personalities within it that don’t align well and that struggle to see eye-to-eye. Every family I have ever encountered has had to wade through stormy waters. Family means no matter what the circumstance, no matter how difficult it gets, no one gets left behind or forgotten.
It’s easy to say, but harder to do. As I write, I can imagine some readers shaking their heads saying, “You don’t know my family,” or “you haven’t met my impossible uncle.” I don’t need to know them personally because I have witnessed family drama as a teacher in the classroom, in my family of origin, and in the family in which I am the matriarch. I have seen how poverty, addiction, abuse, ignorance, neglect, illness and despair can destroy family relationships. I have struggled to accept and to be accepted. Still I contend, no one should get left behind or forgotten.
When I encourage us all to accept one another, that doesn’t mean I endorse putting up with aggressive or disrespectful behaviour. Some situations require a great deal of skill in utilizing healthy boundaries and communicating expectations for engagement to be safe. Most families require every member to do their part to be able to get along. Sometimes we need space to heal our own wounds before we can carry someone else. Yet even during periods of detachment, or even estrangement, we can hold space for our family members in our hearts. We can keep them in our prayers and love them unconditionally. I know that’s hard to do too, especially when we feel hurt, unappreciated, judged, shamed or condemned.
My sixty years on this planet as a striver with a growth mindset has taught me a few important lessons to help families to stay connected. In today’s musings, I’m sharing five nuggets of wisdom that I hope you might find helpful. They aren’t necessarily the top five, and I’m not listing them in any particular order of effectiveness. Some might not make sense to you, not resonate at all, or sound ridiculous. That’s okay, you’re allowed your opinions. These are mine.
1. In a family individual differences must be respected and appreciated if each member is to feel accepted. All of us want to be witnessed and seen as people with value, with something to offer. Even if you have a person or persons in your family that you don’t get along with very well, I encourage you to look for at least one characteristic you appreciate about them and communicate it to them. Remember it during hard times.
2. In a family mistakes and disagreements must be tolerated. It’s unreasonable to expect that everyone will be perfect all the time, or that you’ll always be in agreement with everyone in your family. Tolerating doesn’t mean liking it, but a mature person recognizes not everyone feels and thinks the same as them, and it’s okay. You can make space for others and ask them to them to be patient and forgiving with you too.
3. In a family communication is open and honest. Families that keep secrets are usually the most likely to crumble under pressure. They don’t understand one another and therefore can’t support one another. I realize everyone has different communication styles, and it can be challenging for some people to be open and honest. But I’ve found most people who’ve erected walls or barriers around sharing how they feel have done so to protect themselves from people who use their honesty against them. When you respond to open communication respectfully and with compassion, some walls will crumble down.
4. In a family rules of engagement are flexible and adaptive as new situations unfold. People change over time and in different circumstances. How you engage with your baby, toddler, teenager or young adult will be very different. It isn’t helpful to stubbornly cling to methods that worked in the past when it’s clear they are no longer effective. We all benefit from being adaptable and flexible.
5. In a family love is unconditional and in alignment with each individual member’s unique wants and needs. We don’t love all our children the same, because they are all different. But we love them with the same degree of care and responsiveness. We nurture one another according to each person’s needs and our abilities.
To close, I encourage us all to push through the sticky stuff, to wade through the muddy waters of family relationships, including families of choice. Remember as you open yourself to help and support others to take care of yourself too. Everyone matters. We can’t realistically be there for everyone all the time. But we must all do our best to make sure no one gets left behind or forgotten.
COMING UP…
Books & Projects:
· In December 2025 I signed a contract with Austin Macauley Publishers for my manuscript, The Trials of Alex Anderson, a character-driven novel that explores the relationship between mental illness and trauma. I am now on the road to publication, with an expected release date near the end of 2026. I’ll be posting regular updates here on my blog and on social media, so stay tuned for exciting new developments.
· The Rogue Scorpion is available online at Amazon, Chapters-Indigo, and Barnes & Noble. You can also find it at select Chapters-Indigo and El Hombre de la Mancha bookstores.
Reviews & Interviews:
· You can read, listen, or watch a large selection of reviews and interviews on my website.
Events:
· There are no events currently scheduled in my calendar.
YouTube Channel:
Watch The Rogue Scorpion trailer