Then

Photo Credit: Daniele Bissoli

“Happiness is a butterfly, that when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you sit down quietly, may alight upon you.”

~ Nathaniel Hawthorne

The dichotomous imagery of the pursuit versus the landing of a butterfly as a metaphor to describe our human relationship toward happiness inspired me to write a poem for this week’s musings blog. I hope, dear reader, that my words alight upon you and encourage you as you navigate your journey toward finding balance between the pursuit and acceptance of happiness.

Oh, if only I could run fast, like daddy,

And know so many words, like mommy,

And be so good at math, like my brother,

Then, my ten-year-old-self thought,

Then, I would be so happy.

Oh, if only I had a husband,

And a house, with a yard, and a fence,

And lots and lots and lots of money,

Then, my twenty-year-old self thought,

Then, I would be so happy.

Oh, if only I could get rid of this husband,

And start over, knowing what I know now,

And not make so many mistakes,

Then, my thirty-year-old-self thought,

Then, I would be so happy.

Oh, if only I could untangle myself from this mess,

And fix everything that feels broken, 

And protect my children from the world; from getting hurt, and knowing fear,

Then, my forty-year-old-self thought,

Then, I would be so happy.

Oh, if only I could be two places at once,

And have the money and the energy to be everything to everyone,

And have the right words, at the right time, every time,

Then, my fifty-year-old-self thought,

Then, I would be so happy.

Oh, if only I could be a perfect human being and always get it right…

Wait, my sixty-year-old-self thought.

What if I am already perfect, in my imperfection?

Maybe I was never meant to get it all right?

Then, I realized— I am happy! And I always have been.

I was just looking in the wrong direction; out, instead of in.

COMING UP…

Books & Projects:

·      In December 2025 I signed a contract with Austin Macauley Publishers for my manuscript, The Trials of Alex Anderson, a character-driven novel that explores the relationship between mental illness and trauma.  I am now on the road to publication, with an expected release date near the end of 2026. In February I worked with designers on the cover and its near completion. Last week I received the proofread manuscript for my review. Things are happening! I’ll be posting regular updates here on  my blog and on social media, so stay tuned for exciting new developments.

·      The Rogue Scorpion is available online at Amazon, Chapters-Indigo, and Barnes & Noble. You can also find it at select Chapters-Indigo and El Hombre de la Mancha bookstores.

Reviews & Interviews:

·      You can read, listen, or watch a large selection of reviews and interviews on my website.

Events:

·      There are no events currently scheduled in my calendar.

YouTube Channel:

·      Watch The Rogue Scorpion trailer.