Gracias Panama
Photo taken with my iPhone
“Paso a paso, despacio.”
Translated loosely as bit by bit, slowly, I prefer this phrase to the more commonly known mañana because so many people have a negative connotation of laziness associated with “I will do it tomorrow.” I’ll admit, the first time Mister and I travelled to Tamarindo, Costa Rica on vacation in 2014, I felt frustrated with the slow pace. I was accustomed to the speedier and more transactional/production-oriented attitude that prevails in Canada. I was impatient.
While I never did fully embrace the contrast in attitudes that I experienced on that trip, or on the many subsequent visits to Panama, my perceptions did shift. After we moved to Coronado in 2022 and lived there for eighteen months, I found my “let’s get shit done,” approach to life becoming more bit by bit, slowly. I came to appreciate and respect how the people in Panama seemed to enjoy life more, in less of a hurry to arrive at some future destination.
The bit by bit, slowly way of living is more grounded in the present moment. It makes space for life to unfold as it will. To stop and breathe the flowers, as the wise saying goes. To connect more with other human beings. Sometimes the language barrier kept me from participating in the dynamic conversations that were going on around me, but as I learned more Spanish and met people fluent in English, I delighted in most Panamanian’s willingness to engage with me.
An example that comes to mind is a time in the early days of setting up house in Coronado. We’d purchased electronics from Tech and House and they sent their technician, Jorge, to get everything set up and running. He was very friendly and outgoing and probably spent almost as much time telling stories as working, but he got the job done and done well.
Another difference in our cultures that Jorge pointed out was how frugal us English speakers are with language. He argued that we like to use as few words as possible to communicate, while Panamanian’s have an opposite approach of the more words the better. If they can find a way to turn a three word sentiment into a several paragraph long story, they will. And he was right.
I realized that the “no hay problema” vibe of Panama was one of the things that drew us to it. We were craving a less stressful, more relaxed way of life. But you can’t have one without the other. Less stress includes the less desirable outcomes of things like deliveries and service appointments taking longer than expected. With each delay I learned to be more patient. My world didn’t fall apart without a strict schedule and everything got done—eventually.
When we moved to Panama in 2022 I was fully onboard with the idea of living a quiet, peaceful, slow life, officially retired from my career as a teacher. I approached my writing career ambitions with the bit by bit, slowly attitude, happy to spend three to four hours a day holed up in my office, engaged in the creative process. I lived in a blissful, honeymoon state for seven months, until a series of unfortunate events forever altered my perceptions.
I only know from hindsight that the first baby red coral snake slithering along the sliding doors of our home gym was an omen. A tiny crack in my “no hay problema” attitude soon expanded into a chasm the size of the Grand Canyon. That isn’t my alter personality, Hyperbole Henrietta, speaking. It’s the truth. Just as my fear of using the gym was dissipating, more snakes started to pop up. Neon green ones in the flower box and slithering out from under my patio recliner robbed me of the joy I had felt in our once tranquil garden sanctuary.
The Fer-de-lance that somehow squeezed through the gap between our garage door, assumingly while chasing some rodent-type dinner, that got caught in the sticky pest-control trap next to the door leading into our home pantry took my loss of peace to a new level. After I finished screaming hysterically (this was several minutes in duration), I told Mister in no uncertain terms, “we have to move back to Canada, now!” Always the more rational one, he suggested an overnight stay at the hotel in Buenaventura instead. “Okay,” I said. But it wasn’t okay.
From that moment on, I lived in a constant state of anxiety. Besides always being on a hypervigilant lookout for snakes, scorpions and spiders, my aging furry companion, Lola, began her slow transition from this world. Sixteen and a half years old, deaf, half-blind, and cancer-ridden, she was suffering too. We couldn’t leave her alone in the house for long without returning to an accident, and we all became unhealthily homebound.
Mister’s remission from ulcerative colitis ended. A Spanish-speaking hair-stylist ruined my hair. I failed my driver test repeatedly, which I blamed on my errors in language translation. Everything seemed to fall into the too hard category. By November 2023 we both came to the same conclusion I’d reached back in March, “We have to move back to Canada, now!”
It turned out our perceptions of Panama weren’t incorrect, just misguided or misunderstood. With a good dose of unpredictable and unforeseen events thrown in. We realized that for us, Panama is a beautiful country and a fabulous place to vacation, but it isn’t a place we were able to make a home and build a life. I have no regrets. Even letting go of our dream home wasn’t as painful as I imagined it would be, because when we made the decision to return to Canada, we knew without question it was the right choice for us, at the right time.
My experiences in Panama helped to shape the person I am today. Living in a different culture expanded my perceptions and had me appreciating the country of my birth in a way I never could have without the contrast. If we’d decided to move back to Canada directly from Saudi Arabia, I would have felt disappointed. My perceptions of Winnipeg weren’t very positive at that point in time. As it turns out, I love Winnipeg! It’s the perfect place for Mister and me to build the kind of life we want. I no longer believe in forever homes or happy ever after endings, but I am grateful for the gift of my adventures in Panama.
COMING UP…
Books & Projects:
· All four of my books are available online at Amazon, Chapters-Indigo, and Barnes & Noble. You can also find them at select Chapters-Indigo and El Hombre de la Mancha bookstores.
· I am pursuing representation from a traditional publisher for my fifth literary fiction, a psychological drama that explores the complexities of mental illness and trauma. Stay in touch by signing up for my blog or following me on social media to find out when it will be published.
Reviews & Interviews:
· You can read, listen, or watch a large selection of reviews and interviews on my website.
Events:
· There are no events currently scheduled in my calendar.
YouTube Channel:
· Watch The Rogue Scorpion trailer.
· Watch The Holding trailer.
· Watch The Healing trailer.